Why?

Most of my life’s full of sad days

Started at a young age. She bought a house but I’ve been livin’ on stage.

Tryna find the real me, I ain’t found me yet

Wake up every morning feelin’ like I’m guilty. Talk to mom, “Can you hear me?”

Lately, I’m a mess.

How could you leave so unexpected?

We waited, we waited for you,

But you just left us,

We needed you, I needed you!

I don’t know what it’s like to be addicted to pills. But I do know what it’s like to be a witness it kills. Mama told me she love me, I’m thinkin’ this isn’t real!

Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell Into my pillowcases, say you coming to get us. Then call a minute later just to tell us you not, I’m humiliated

I’m in a room with a parent that I don’t barely know. Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes

I don’t get it, mom, don’t you want to watch your babies grow?

I guess pills are more important, all you have to say is no! But you won’t do it will you? You gon’ keep popping ’til them pills kill you. I know you’ve gone but I can still feel you!

I got this picture in my room and it kills me

But I don’t need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing. Now a relationship is something we will never have! Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?

You should’ve been there when I succeed,

Told me you love me and congratulations

Instead you left us at the window waiting.

Where you at mom? We’re too young to understand where you at, huh?

Yeah, I know those drugs got you held captive. I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured. Some say it’s fun to get the high but I am not laughing.

What you don’t realise and what you not grasping. That I was nothing but a kid who couldn’t understand. I ain’t gon’ say that I forgive you ’cause it hasn’t happened

I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes. If you really cared for me, then where you at then?

Our last conversation. You and I sat in the living room. Talking ’bout my music and I brought you some to listen to.

You started crying, telling me, “This isn’t you.” Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune. You took them pills for the last time, didn’t you?

They took you from us once, guess they came back to finish you.

Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult

Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you. It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral

Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful. I wish you were here, mama, but every time I picture you. All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you. They found you on the floor, I could tell you felt hollow. Gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles. Don’t know if you hear me or not, but if you’re still watching, why..?

Sometimes I think about like—

Sometimes I think about things like, you know, when I’d have kids and like

You won’t be there, you know? You won’t be there for any of that.

I’ll never get to see you again.

Sometimes I wish I would have just called you, I wish I would have just picked up the phone, wish you were here.

I mean you should have been there for us, you should have been here.

Them pills got you, right?

I wish you were here!!

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One comment

  1. lizsilva756962870 · July 10, 2018

    this is very well said I am so sorry your mom is dead. my she rest in peace with a smile because her son walk them miles of pain and he is her to tell the Name Pills they will take your life and thank you for this for it’s my Father that I Miss he took his life one xmas-eve night now he is out of site from that one night. big hug to you and I am glad I found this to read. liz

    Liked by 1 person

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